Category Archives: Beyond the Bedroom; SeXpressionz
Powered by Max Banner Ads
If you’re feeling down, bitter, angry or whatever negative state you may be in, stop beating yourself up for feeling that way. Often the pressure we put on ourselves to feel differently than we do is worse than the negative feeling itself. Acknowledge that is how you feel right now without judging.
2 – Think in terms of what you want
Do a thought check. Do you spend the majority of your time thinking about what you don’t want and what’s wrong or what you do want? Start paying attention to what you focus on because what you focus on expands. Every time you catch yourself thinking about what is wrong with your life, stop. Interrupt your thought pattern and start asking “What do I want?” You will be amazed at what answers and opportunities present themselves when you begin asking the right questions. Lose the “Why me’s?” They serve no positive purpose.
3 – Make your happiness a priority
Studies show that every aspect of the human body functions better when we’re happy. What makes you happy? What do you enjoy? Start doing more of that without guilt. You were literally designed for happiness. If you feel the people around you don’t make your happiness important, it’s probably because YOU don’t place enough importance on it. Set some time aside for you and what you enjoy.
Bonus: The quickest way to feeling happier is to get out of your own head and do something for someone else. Whether it’s a simple compliment to a stranger, showing gratitude to others or doing something kind and unexpected for another person, the act of lifting up another is a powerful “happy pill” you carry with you at all times.
By Rick Reynolds, LCSW
President and Founder of AffairRecovery.com
AffairRecovery.com (http://www.affairrecovery.com/), a national leader in offering personalized online infidelity support as well as the free Affair Analyzer (http://www.affairrecovery.com/aa.php), offers tips to handling the discovery of an affair
Do you think your mate has been unfaithful? If your goal is to find out what happened in order to determine what you want to do, then don’t make a bad situation worse by how you confront them.
Can your marriage be saved? It depends…but know that there’s hope. You can view the full article at AffairRecovery.com (http://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/betrayal-confronting-mate) and take the free Affair Analyzer (http://www.affairrecovery.com/aa.php), which will give you a personalized plan of action and answers to many of your questions. But first consider these 6 steps:
1) Do your homework: First, gather as much information as possible to verify your suspicions. Intuition can be wrong. If you make accusations before gathering proof, they will begin covering their tracks, and proof of their infidelity may be more difficult to find.
2) Pick the right time: Confronting someone in a situation where they will be embarrassed or harmed professionally (such as at work or in front of the children) won’t be productive for a good outcome. Find a time where the two of you can have an adult conversation.
3) Be in the right frame of mind: Be mature… You want this to be a rational conversation not an emotional conversation. Refrain from hurling insults and name calling. As hurt as you may be, if you’re looking for answers after an affair (http://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1) try and remain calm. It may seem backwards, but you want your mate to trust you when sharing in order for them to feel safe enough to give you the information. If you are out of control why would they want to make things worse by telling you what’s going on?
4) Rehearse what you are going to say: This is highly emotional, and being able to clearly communicate your message in a matter of fact way will surprise your mate and catch them off guard. If you successfully approach them in a rational manner they will be far more likely to respond to you in like kind. As difficult as this may sound, if you maintain an attitude of concern for them they will be more likely to honestly engage with you.
5) Keep the end in mind: To keep your wits about you, keep reminding yourself of the end in mind. Most likely your mate will deny or minimize what’s going on. They may also tell you that you’re crazy and need to get help. Don’t get defensive and let them make it about you. This isn’t your fault. Keep reminding yourself this is about giving them a chance to tell you what’s going on, not about proving what you know through your discovery or who’s at fault.
6) Listen to what they have to say: You’ll learn far more by not talking and listening to what they say, than you will by telling them what they are doing and what they’re thinking. Tell them you’re giving them a chance to come clean. Let them know if they want to have any chance of being in relationship with you they will have to be totally honest.
Even though saving your marriage (http://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/why-cheat-healing-after-affair) might not be something you’re interested in, first try these six tips for confronting your mate and consider the hope that maybe, through the survival of infidelity, the relationship can grow into something deeper and more real. For further advice, please take the free Affair Analyzer (http://www.affairrecovery.com/aa.php), use this as one small step in the process of healing.
Affair Recovery specializes in helping people heal after infidelity. After recovering from his own affair 25 years ago and helping 2,000+ other couples do the same, founder Rick Reynolds and his team have developed research-validated, groundbreaking online and in-person programs for redeeming the losses created by infidelity, betrayal, and sexual addiction. To learn more, visit www.AffairRecovery.com(http://www.affairrecovery.com) and take the free Affair Analyzer(http://www.affairrecovery.com/aa.php)
By Rachel Khona
With self-love being a topic that women cannot discuss and “slut-shaming” sexually empowered women, there is definitely a double standard when it comes to M word (masturbation: healthy exploration of sexuality available to men).
But there is no parity for women. More often than not, when women in popular culture masturbate, it is often portrayed as a symptom of their deviance. Elizabeth Banks’ masturbating character in the film The 40-Year-OldVirgin is a (to put it mildy) a sex addict; Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) from Sex and the City had an abundance of well documented issues with sex and men; and Sally Draper (Kiernan Shipka) in Mad Men receives a palm to her face and a one-way ticket to a psychiatrist after her mother catches with her hands down her pants.
And maybe things are starting to shift for the younger generation. After all, a 2008 Kinsey Institute report shows more than 50 percent of women ages 25-44 have tried vibrators. Despite an expected dose of giggles and euphemisms, sex is something that young adults are talking about more frankly and proactively than ever before. Study: Sex And The City Leads To Frank Discussions About STDs
Twenty-something writer and editor Elizabeth Narins speaks to this in her recent Men’s Health article “Women On Top” about us entering a sexual golden age, with men and women bearing equal power and pleasure in the bedroom:
Whether by Jacuzzi jets or TV, young women are going to discovertheir sexuality. Going forward, hopefully it’s something they tackle with information and empowerment rather than ignorance and shame.
“Why should women masturbate?” The reasons are many, but mostly for female empowerment!
*Enters Media Maven* – and in keeping with this (once tabooed) topic…how many of you divas knew that exercise is linked to orgasmic bliss?
Exercise – is there anything it can’t do? HellaWella shares highlights from a recent study finding that exercise can lead to orgasm among women – Oh? Study Shows Execise-Induced Orgasm is Common Among Women.
“The goal? For the person to face their fears and insecurities so that they can take the next step down the aisle.”
After seven years and six kids, Brad and Angelina announced this week they’re finally tying the knot, a decision the couple says came at the “request of their children.” In her latest Psychology Today blog post, Dr. Jane Greer looks at what marriage really means – why some lifelong couples decide not to marry and the possible reasons for hesitation – asserting that ultimately a healthy marriage is about stability and security.
Don’t miss this week’s article, “Brad and Angelina: What Does Marriage Mean?”
Dr. Jane Greer explores what we can learn from the trials and triumphs of celebrity relationships @PsychologyToday.com.
**Check out Dr. Greer’s interview in The Globe and Mail about men and women lying about their sex partners.**
Successful careers. Beautiful family. Didn’t Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have it all?
In her Psychology Today blog post “Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony: Did Their Careers Collide?,” Dr. Jane Greer looks at how the careers of these two megastars may have been trumped by their own marriage, leading to their recent surprise separation. Whether you are working on a story about J-Lo and Marc, divorce, or how couples in general can manage the often-clashing demands of career and family, Dr. Greer can contribute her expertise.
Dr. Jane Greer is a nationally renowned marriage and family therapist, author, radio host, Psychology Today blogger, Huffington Post contributor, and media consultant who has appeared on Oprah, The Today Show, Dateline NBC, CNN News, CBS Early Show, Anderson Cooper 360, 20/20 and more. A leading relationship expert, Dr. Greer’s newest book, What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, gives answers about what people need to know to keep their relationships going strong.
Each week, her online radio segment SHRINK WRAP covers themes facing celebrities that everyday people can relate to, from hardships to love. SHRINK WRAP airs Mondays during Dr. Greer’s Happy Living Segment on HealthyLife.net News@7 (AM & PM).
by Maxwell Billieon
Ten years ago when renowned lifestyle guru, celebrity branding expert and business mogul Maxwell Billieon was bound by cheating in his relationships—because no mentors or role models had ever taught him how to function differently with women—he had an epiphany. Driven by an overwhelming desire to stop cheating, he set out on a life-changing journey to undo decades of destructive behaviors. With no experts or instructors to advise him, Billieon quickly realized he would have to draft his own operating manual for learning how not to cheat. Through insightful observations and copious note-taking, he accomplished this and in the end, created an accessible “and-fool-proof” blueprint for avoiding the pitfalls of cheating. Because of his personal success, Billieon decided to share his findings with others in an attempt to teach both women and men the truth about male cheating and to give women the information and skills needed to get and keep faithful men.
Now, in DEATH OF THE CHEATING MAN: What Every Woman Must Know About Men Who Stray (Simon& Schuster/Atria/Strebor Books; On-sale date February 14th, 2012; ISBN:978-1-5930-9399-0; $24.00) Billieon outlines, step-by-step, what women need to know about how and why men manipulate their emotions. In a forthright, no-holds-bar style that is reminiscent of Dr. Phil meets Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Billieon examines male cheating from a global perspective to reveal the hidden truth about unfaithful men and exposes why he believes infidelity is the primary cause of the demise of the American family. In memorable fashion, Billieon also reveals why powerful men such as John F. Kennedy, Tiger Woods and Arnold Schwarzenegger achieve incredible milestones in extraordinary ways but can’t manage to avoid the temptations of cheating and and with celebrity playboy serving as a case study, Billieon shows how his tenets transform his even the worse cheater, into a man capable of a committed and loving relationship. Billieon also teaches women:
* How to stop enabling men to cheat
* How to create the “New Monogamy”
* How to recognize the signs that a man is cheating
* How to know when it’s time to “pull a Yoko Ono”
* The difference between being faithful and being committed
* The danger of choosing pockets over pedigree
At the heart of DEATH OF A CHEATING MAN is the chapter entitled “The Six Virtues of a New Man,” which Billieon notes is a list of the fundamentals every man needs to reinvent himself from a cheater to a reformed man. These basics include:
* Strengthening the internal voice and listening to the good guy versus the bad boy. We all need that little tap on the shoulder every now and then to keep us from getting into the waters of trouble. When a man’s nature tries to overpower his common sense, a strong internal voice can provide the clarity and direction that is sure to keep him out of harm’s way.
* Establishing a “consequence mechanism.” Learning to weigh the outcome of any given situation will help a man decide how to proceed. As a man uses a consequence mechanism daily for small decisions, it will eventually become a guide for the big things, like cheating.
* Building self-restraint. Men learn self-restraint in sports and education but never apply it to relationships. When distractions pop up here and there, men have to treat them the same way they treat unhealthy food choices; leave them alone.
* Knowing and recognizing limitations. Why tempt yourself with something you know is your weakness? Steer clear ofthings that are overpowering until internal voices and use of the consequence mechanism is successful.
* Be honest with yourself. There is a fine line between being a player and a predator. The latter is only suitable when you are upfront, honest and transparent about your desire to be with more than one woman. Women would much rather know where you stand so they can make an informed decision to be with you or not.
* Become a thinking man. A thinking man understands that there are consequences to all of his actions and in thinking first, he can become better equipped to deal with the temptations and obstacles men are presented with in relationships.
Billieon also points out that men should not look at their decisions or their outcomes as right or wrong. “See them as consequences you can or cannot live with and base the outcome on how it affects you and others,” he says. “Letting go of right and wrong and accepting consequences isguaranteed to aid you in building character for the challenging times whereyour natural instincts try to take over. What men will find is that once consequence becomes dominant in their daily thinking, their inner voices will become quiet, and they will be able to walk by them and smile.
Maxwell Billieon is a former star-making development executive who generated over $100 0million in global sales, Billieon is now the CEO of The Billieon Group (TBG). TBG develops high-end luxury lifestyle goods sold worldwide, making Billieon globally known at the “Lifestyle Guru.” But of all of Billieon’s extraordinary achievements, it is his personal reformation from Cheating Man, after being unfaithful for over 20 years, that he is most proud of.
by Lindsay Kriger
I know, I know: it’s not always easy to tell the underqualified from the qualified because everyone puts their best foot forward at first but that’s why you’ve gotta do the work. You’ve gotta take your time. Collect evidence. Do your research.
I myself have failed to do this. Gone too fast. Ended up with some heartache.
Solution? Take the things that you complain about – yeah, you know, those things you’ve said to your girlfriends, or the things that he’s done wrong to you, etc. – and make an “I have someone to introduce you to” scenario.
For example…let’s look at an underqualified guy and create an “I have someone to introduce you to” scenario. What if someone said to you – “Wow – I have this great guy. He’s 24 years old, he lives with his parents, he’s a virgin, he can never sleep over.” Would you want to meet him?
Here’s another candidate for a fix up: He’s 25 years old, never graduated college, got kicked out of college for selling drugs, is addicted to pain killers, smokes cigarettes, got sued for a half-million dollars, disappeared on his last girlfriend – she thought they were working on getting back together and she just never heard from him again.
Would you want to meet either of these guys?
So…why do we…accept ‘em?
As women we fall in love and start to overlook “bad” qualities. We are more forgiving when it comes to looks but I’d also argue that we are more forgiving when it comes to underqualifications.
We will find things to fill in for the things we feel are missing. Well, he’s not really confident but he’s really nice. Well, he can never sleep over but he’s really honest.
But we forget about the things that are important to us, about our needs. WE ARE PLEASERS. And at the end of our pleasing, if it doesn’t work out, what we are really upset about is our own actions: That we were willing to sacrifice our own needs and desires in order to accept someone we considered underqualified/incapable of giving us what we need, only to have them throw us to the curb or it not work out.
Classic case of the old rose-colored glasses. We often refuse to see the bad, preferring instead to be (insanely) optimistic about our partner, fantasizing about who they are or could become, with us. We make ourselves see him in a perfect, loving, flattering light. When we neglect our own needs and wants and make our ideas realign to fit our desired reality…we are not only uncomfortable, we’re also usually setting ourselves up for failure.
Remind yourself of that “I have someone I’d like you to meet” scenario each time you are unsure – is this a guy you would be excited about, hearing his description?
To date or not to date, that is the question:
- He’s taken your best friend on a date. Ask her first. If she says yes, give him a chance. After all, you and he have similar taste in women. You go out to dinner with your girlfriend all the time.
- He cheated on his last girlfriend. No way. Do you want to be cheated on next? I don’t think so.
- He lives with his parents. At first seems doable but is really not.
- He lives in another state and is NOT planning on moving to your state – and you’re not planning to move to his. Why are you wasting your time? See: “Are you afraid of love?” and consider.
- He’s addicted to any sort of drug. NO. NO. NO.
- He is always late. It’s a probably sign of something else rumbling beneath his exterior. Is there a reason for this lateness that you should be aware of…?
- His family hates your family. Since you can’t divorce your family, this seems like a bad idea.
- His family hates you. NO!! Aren’t there enough haters in the world? Surround yourself with people who love you.
- He talks non-stop about himself. UGH, there are enough narcissistic people to entertain us and make us laugh on reality TV. This is a No.
- He’s a virgin. If you’re a virgin, consider, of course. If you’re not… really really consider whether this can work for you.
- He has no friends. This is usually a warning sign. Tread carefully.
- He has no money. Is he smart? Do you believe in him? Is he motivated? If you said yes to these questions confidently and you are not being delusional, then date him. If he has no money because he is lazy and will never have any money to support you and your future family – pass.
- He is unhappy. Is it situational? Figure out the situation and if it can be solved. If he is unhappy for reasons that are much bigger than you and these reasons don’t seem like they’re going away anytime soon, move on. Men who are unhappy in life will be unhappy with you.
- He talks badly about his last girlfriend. Watch out. You are probably next. A real man can take half of the blame for his half of the problem.
- He hates his mother. How a man treats his mother is normally a telling sign. Woman-issues stem back to early problems with their mothers. In fact, make sure you ask him what his mother is like in the early dating stage so you can get a feel for how he feels about her. If he isn’t too fond of her, yells at her a lot, treats her disrespectfully… BEWARE.
- He is too attached to his mother. You need a man, not a little boy. A man who is still attached to his mother will not be fully available to you.
- He is too short. Stop wearing heels.