Pen takes to paper, as the furry of deep emotions – reminiscent of a life I prefer to forget – rushes through my mind! Where do I start, what do I say? Should I speak on the ill feelings I have for Chris Brown’s desperate attempt to lure his beloved Rihanna? Is it fair – to look down on all men?
After witnessing FLOTUS’ amazing speech – I realized…Now is the time! Time to speak up for what I believe in, and to demand the recognition that I’ve worked too darn hard – to let someone destroy, because of their selfish need for greed! No longer, can I entertain the possibility of surrendering (dumbing down) any part of my Goddess self, to anything that belittles or makes me feel less than ME!
Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? ….
My family and I – are survivors of domestic violence! Now, please bear with me – as many of my close friends and family, are learning the deets of this – at this very moment, as all of you! I was planning to release a tell-all novel, but decided – I needed to do something even greater (than just sharing my story worldwide) – I needed to save lives!
My compassionate nurturing nature – has been both a blessing and a curse! My need to become more divine – more me, was at the focus of my life, as I was set to finally launch one of my most coveted dreams! I was always entranced by the ideal of magazines – and vowed to own my own one day! I wanted to use all of my creative aspects and passions (PR, photography, design, writing) – to help me make it all happen! And with the digital age of blogging – I saw my outlet!
As my friendship began to fall apart – I fought hard to hold on to my dreams, while simultaneously trying to put my life together – post heartbreak! But instead, I found out I was pregnant! And just my luck too, in just the first 5 months of my pregnancy, I suffered (and baffled the doctors) with hyperemesis (severe morning sickness) and couldn’t keep anything down (not even my own saliva) and had to be constantly rushed to the hospital for IV fluids and medication! I would later go on to have my appendix removed – while I was 4 months preggers with my lil miracle (and also went through this ordeal alone)! As I continued to fight for my life, I noticed that I was on the battlefield alone! Despite our differences, I thought we were at least friends – first and foremost…but the series of events that took place in the wake of this – totally shocked me, forever changing my life!
For months, I was ridiculed, attacked and violated by one of the people I trusted with my entire family’s life! Now this was obviously because of my refusal to abort my son! As I continued to take each day at a time, bearing witness to the cruel intentions (like watching him take a hammer to my room’s walls while I laid helpless in bed), I continued to put whatever energy I could into finding a way out of my situation (so to catch you up, I was sick so therefore couldn’t earn an income, but received no type of financial assistance from Mr. Baby Daddy-to-be)…
His family continued to turn a blind eye to the devastating conditions of his actions, and I continued to research anything that could make sense of my experience! Here I am…college educated, and still couldn’t connect the dots – to domestic violence!
My son was born (3 hours from labor to delivery) and once again, I found myself alone! But in my loneliness, one of the nurses sensed my grief, and we got to talking! She confirmed that my situation was indeed DV and that Safe Horizon could help me! I called 1-800-621-HOPE and was opened up to a world of invaluable resources. I got connected with a lawyer (for free), was able to speak to Detectives (who were on stand-bye), get my cats to safety (my rapid movements couldn’t afford me to locate a temp home for my cats ;( but was happy to come across the Mayor’s Alliance, a no kill shelter for pets of dv survivors) and receive counseling – all through Safe Horizon! I was also able to spend 9 months – getting to know other survivors who were living in domestic violence shelters! This is where I got enlightened! I knew – from this experience, I was supposed to share and save lives!
I am sharing my plight, because I cannot expect any of you – to break the silence, if I myself am silent! It was my desire for change, wanting more – knowing that there is more to life than being someone’s anger outlet – that made my the surviving GODDESS – I am today!
Since my ordeal, I have worked hard…everyday – struggling to raise my 3 lovely children, by myself – completely secluded from the New York I’ve spent my entire life – loving and hating! When I look at Rihanna – I can often see some parts of myself, as far as having an open heart, loving and forgiving! A lot of people have so much negative things to throw her way, but has any one of them, ever stopped – and realize, we can’t help who we love? Love has a way of blinding us, especially to the pathetic apologies (or lack thereof)! In time, you will come to see – no matter what, you will find people who hate you (for no reason other than you being amazing) – seeing you as a threat! Some will even go out of their way to try to control you, keeping you caged…stopping you from being the best YOU!
With Safe Horizon, your safety is the number one priority. It is definitely a change of lifestyle – which will take a LOT of inner strength and courage to see it through! It is a very hectic and transforming experience, that will shape you for better (or worst, depending on YOU). I am happy to add Safe Horizon – to my ever growing lists of partners! As an ambassador, I am very privileged to be a part of the Junior Counsel. I am also planning a series of campaigns – set to launch in time for DV Awareness Month this October, and hope that many of you will join me!
Instead of using my addiction to beauty and fashion – to hide and conceal my scars…I use it to highlight my plight! I AM A SURVIVOR and can’t be any prouder! I hope to be a pillar of inspiration – to motivate and empower anyone who is affected by domestic violence! In fact, I invite you to share your experience (anonymously of course, to protect your identity) – directly or indirectly, with domestic violence! I want you to break free of the suppression and instead, seek liberation!
If you are reading this, scared , confused and eager to make that change — I beg you to please contact me via the form below! I have chosen to use this form as it goes directly (and securely…not traceable to any email accounts) to my inbox! I am available to answer any question you might have, or to even shed some light on the process! Just know that you are not alone, and are indeed loved and valuable!