Rachel Khona On Building A Healthy Relationship!
by Rachel Khona
Do Your Own Thing
It’s important to have a life outside of your relationship, therefore you should always try to have your own hobbies and interests. It’s easy to become besotted with a new partner and want to spend all of your free time with them, but ultimately that will leave you with nothing new to talk about and a lack of appreciation for the time you do spend together. Ensure that you still see your friends regularly and arrange to go out on your own, not always as a couple. Nobody wants a partner who lacks their own ideas and personality so let yours shine through by having an interesting and fulfilling lifestyle outside of your relationship. Similarly, let your partner have his own time too. Some women find that allowing their partners to have a social life away from them can lead to paranoia and anxiety. They wonder what they are up to when they are away and this can lead to all sorts of trust issues and conflict. But ultimately some free time will give you the break you need (even if you think you don’t) and a greater appreciation of the time you spend together.
Don’t Rely On Him Too Much
Being independent means not having to rely on anyone else and even though you are in a new relationship you shouldn’t feel overly dependent on your partner. Of course it’s OK to ask him to help you fix that leak under the kitchen sink, but retaining control over practical and emotional aspects in your life will leave you feeling empowered and probably more attractive. You should always be able to rely on yourself to provide your own happiness and security. As soon as you begin relying solely on someone else to make you happy you will become overbearing and dependent.
Think Carefully Before Moving In
Moving in together is a huge step in any relationship and not something that should be entered into lightly. Remember that living with someone means that you invariably lose some independence as you will almost certainly need to compromise on some issues as well as sharing financial pressures and coping with a loss of personal space. Personalities can clash in the close proximity of living together and it can sometimes make or break a relationship. If you do decide to take the plunge then remember communication is key. You need to make joint decisions on household chores, finances, personal space and even how you design and decorate your home.
Pursue Personal Ambitions
In any relationship it is important to get the right balance between ‘us’ and ‘me’. You should always consider your partner’s feelings but this doesn’t mean you should lose sight of what you want out of life either. Therefore do not let a new relationship stop you from pursuing any personal ambitions. Some people think that once they become attached to somebody else they are no longer free to travel the world, throw themselves into their career or do anything remotely selfish. Try and manage your personal ambitions and your relationship together but if this isn’t possible then never forfeit your aspirations or you will end up resenting your partner. As ever, compromise is key.
Don’t Over Analyse.
In the early days before you get to know each other inside out, it can be easy to misinterpret things he says and does. Don’t spend hours over analysing text messages or trying to find hidden meanings in an offhand comment he made; if you start doing this then it won’t leave you time to think about anything else. Women’s brains work differently to men’s – our brains are larger in the areas that process emotions and language whereas he has a more logical, problem solving approach to life, so communication can sometimes be misconstrued. While you should always be open and honest about any concerns you have in your relationship, repeatedly harassing him and trying to search for double meanings in what he says will make you appear clingy and insecure.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing and it takes two people to form a relationship. But if those two people are able to retain at least some individual independence then it will ultimately make for a stronger union and a longer lasting relationship. All it takes is some mutual compromise to ensure that this is done in a way that leaves you both feeling secure, happy and fulfilled.